Well, doing the whole be pleasent thing to peeps, usual trolling on fitlads.net and having a bad agoraphobic day, watched Copycat and did a little pottering around the house. One of my housemates had half the local trash around til late making a racket.
Few weeks ago i sprained my ankle when i was walking down the high street, and thankfully im off the crutches for short distances but it still hurts at times. Got my new HTC fone a few weeks ago aswel as a free upgrade and had my new glasses done as i broke my last set, im supposed to wear them all the time as im bloody blind over ten metres but meh.
Wednesday 9 June 2010
Tuesday 8 June 2010
Back with Internet
Well i moved into a bedsit, didnt have net here til now, so i suppose an update is in order.
The Landlord made me give my cat up, whom had been with me through my bad times but i found a good home for her and shes happy. the place im in is a strange old place, we have an alcoholic who decides that its good to walk around smelling like a sesspit, a few polish and lithuaniuns and a few english folk, tania an italian girl ive seem to taken a liking with and we get on.
Ive had a few suisidal thoughts and attempts, but ive managed to bring myself through it, Dan is comming over this week, ive decided i dont want to feel like this anymore and gave him the choice, have an argument, or prove to me that you trust me enough to be vulnerable and to put your fears behind you, we will see what he chooses when he comes.
The Landlord made me give my cat up, whom had been with me through my bad times but i found a good home for her and shes happy. the place im in is a strange old place, we have an alcoholic who decides that its good to walk around smelling like a sesspit, a few polish and lithuaniuns and a few english folk, tania an italian girl ive seem to taken a liking with and we get on.
Ive had a few suisidal thoughts and attempts, but ive managed to bring myself through it, Dan is comming over this week, ive decided i dont want to feel like this anymore and gave him the choice, have an argument, or prove to me that you trust me enough to be vulnerable and to put your fears behind you, we will see what he chooses when he comes.
Friday 21 May 2010
Oh My Word!
what a bad few weeks, its been chaos but i will get on and update this over the weekend, its been hectic, sorry for the delay in more posts!
Thursday 6 May 2010
Day Nine, 6th of May
What a day! i just remembered why i hate moving house, all that packing.
Currently in new flat, through sheer luck i managed to sort.
Just tidying up, the removals guy dropped my crockery on the floor and it all smashed, not amused. Otherwise its been a very tiring day.
Currently in new flat, through sheer luck i managed to sort.
Just tidying up, the removals guy dropped my crockery on the floor and it all smashed, not amused. Otherwise its been a very tiring day.
Wednesday 5 May 2010
Day Eight, 5th of May - PM
Well it seems someone was smiling, i got a small apartment secured and move in tomorrow, unfortunatly its costing every penny i have and will cause "Undue Hardship" which im told i can go sue the council now.
Need to get hold of Alison my Creditor to sort out my loan to sort me out, damn woman is alusive.
Need to get hold of Alison my Creditor to sort out my loan to sort me out, damn woman is alusive.
Day Eight, 5th of May
a ray of hope has hit, a small self contained room in camborne, just waiting for the credit union to get things sorted, and hopefully move there. The council has decided not to help me yet my "Helpful" doctor is yet to actually write to them and tell them about my problems, not that the council care anyway, been like this for years, if you need help, better just topping yourself then asking for it from them. if the credit union doesnt get sorted shortly, then theres a very real chance im on the streets, after which il find the nearest sharp object and save myself the shame and fear again.
My stress levels are through the roof, my panic attacks are back, and to top it off, im homeless, i cant find help, no ones willing, and the council would sooner see me dead than lift a finger to help. out of options again, perhaps if i say im muslim might help or eastern euro huh.
My stress levels are through the roof, my panic attacks are back, and to top it off, im homeless, i cant find help, no ones willing, and the council would sooner see me dead than lift a finger to help. out of options again, perhaps if i say im muslim might help or eastern euro huh.
Tuesday 4 May 2010
Day Seven, 4th of May - Afternoon
If yove read my diary, you will know that in a few days il get a baliff to evict me and my general back story so il skip that bit,
point is, theres no place suitable for me to move to, the only place id worked on fell through and cornwall council wont even deal with my case unless its a wednesday, the most they will do is put me in a b&b, and the thought of that terrifies me, ive been home invaded when i lived in a shared house and was raped, ever since i have to have my own front door and not share with anyone, else id of topped myself by now, i wont be a prisoner in a small room jumping at every sound outside my door.
ive no where to run, and i wont suffer being a prisoner in my room again, it terrifies me, out of options, im left with either go out and break a shop window or sommet to get arrested and thrown in prison, or just end it, like i tried to in my younger days, but didnt have the guts to go through with it.
point is, theres no place suitable for me to move to, the only place id worked on fell through and cornwall council wont even deal with my case unless its a wednesday, the most they will do is put me in a b&b, and the thought of that terrifies me, ive been home invaded when i lived in a shared house and was raped, ever since i have to have my own front door and not share with anyone, else id of topped myself by now, i wont be a prisoner in a small room jumping at every sound outside my door.
ive no where to run, and i wont suffer being a prisoner in my room again, it terrifies me, out of options, im left with either go out and break a shop window or sommet to get arrested and thrown in prison, or just end it, like i tried to in my younger days, but didnt have the guts to go through with it.
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