My History Age 16 to 19

My Years 16-19, Continued from 1-16

Roger didnt leave our lives til around january 2002, we actually met his ex girlfriend and the girl who accused him of sexual rape, who later became a good friend of mine, and her mother became more like an aunt, Max never knew his father, and to be perfectly honest, the child deserves better than to be associated to that man.

Early 2001 late 2000, i became the model gay guy, VERY promiscuous, i hated myself and everything about me, the only feelings of self worth was my physical attractivness to others, and their desire to have intimate relations of the one night stand variety, which, my modesty prevents me from being big headed but i had my pick of guys. Mid 2001 i met Ed, a student teacher who ended up being my partner for 18 months, i didnt want it to last that long, he was very feminine and looking back i needed strong masculinity to help me find my sexual identity, but i was too much ashamed of ending it and didnt want to face that, so i continued to be promiscuous, and im ashamed to say i had earned a reputation by then.

I delved into some pretty hardcore drugs, i managed to hide much of my self loathing to the outside, but much in the gay community is all about Sex, i just wanted friends, people i could relate to and could talk to, but most of them just saw one thing, in the end i just became a sexual desire for alot of people, instead of being seen as i desperately needed to be, a young lad in pain who very much needed a gay friend who understood him, im 26 now and i still dont have one.

I got into debt, spent alot of my time drunk, when i was not working i was meeting people in all sorts of places for "Fun", and im ashamed to say it but i couldnt even estimate how many i had been with by the time i was 18 it was easily in the hundreds.

My self worth was pretty much non existant, i eventually broke up with Ed when i hit 19, played around with a few less than reputable people, very nearly got into prostitution because of it, i was still into stealing, sometimes id go home with a drunk guy and empty his wallet, because if i didnt, those less than reputable people would do things to me i dont dare describe.